I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Welp...herpes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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