Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
