He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize