UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
