you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
