dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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