I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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