ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

  Fav 9 1982 846

  share tweet
  

• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Fav 25 2243 927

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

  Fav 25 4130 1266

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

  Fav 29 3979 1265

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

  Fav 36 1044 8842

  share tweet
  

• (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

  Fav 30 8641 1474

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

  Fav 5 5463 1223

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.

  Fav 10 4355 1115

  share tweet
  

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?

  Fav 4 2061 1770

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times

  Fav 7 3322 1131

  share tweet
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real

  Fav 3 2565 711

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.

  Fav 1 339 150

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"

  Fav 0 97 38

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  What's a sexy way to say balls deep???

  Fav 1 42 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality

  Fav 0 41 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize