Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
