Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
