Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
