She's JV to your varsity
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
PANTIES FOUND
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