You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
