they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize