She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
