Will you blow on my dice?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
