do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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