Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
