i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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