I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize