So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
