We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
