He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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