just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
