we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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