Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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