He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
