walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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