I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize