Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize