I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the day after is always just damage control
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Alive.
So much puke
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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