Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
