your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize