I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize