Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
