I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
