So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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