Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My feet surprised me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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