ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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