i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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