If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
