Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
