Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
