i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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