in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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