She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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