You just made me feel so damn special
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
