covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
