Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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