using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this hospital has no fireball
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
