Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
