so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She bit a glass in half.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
