ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
