Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
