I looked at my own cervix.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
