a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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