remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
