Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
