I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize