Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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