I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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