u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
