i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
