I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
